Where Babies Come From

I'll start this one off with a quick reminder: my sister is 18 years old. At the time she said this, she had somehow managed to graduate high school.


I was killing time by my front door waiting for a friend to pick me up. My sister and mom are in the living room  by the door, half-watching TV. Seeing I'm pacing in boredom, my mom asks about my day by saying, "So, did you give anybody enemas today?" (I'm a student in a hospital for diagnostic imaging, and one responsibility of mine is to do enemas from time to time.)

Amy: What's that?

Me: An enema? It's when I stick a tube up someone's butt, basically.

Amy: You don't do that.

Me: Yes, I do.

Amy: Mom, does he really?

Mom: Yeah, have you never heard any of his gross stories?

Amy: No.

Mom: He'll have to tell you some.

Amy: So you just randomly stick tubes up people's bums?

Me: Not randomly. I insert an enema tip, and we send a barium liquid into the intestines to see them on x-rays.

Amy: So can you get pregnant from that?

Me: ...What.

Amy: Like, can you get someone pregnant from doing that?

Me: Pregnant? Are you serious? By putting a liquid that doesn't contain sperm into an orifice that doesn't lead to ovaries?

Amy: Yeah.

Me: NO! No, of course not! Why would you even think that?! Even if I was shooting semen into people's butts, they couldn't get pregnant, assuming they're healthy. And half the people that get enemas are men who couldn't get pregnant any way.

Amy: Well, I know that.

Me: I don't know if you do. It sure sounds like you think anal sex would be smart if wanted to have a baby.

Amy: Well, I don't know...

Me: Do you not have any idea how babies are made?

Amy: No, wait! We talked about this at school! I know how it works. Ok, so the people have sex with the penis in the va-jay-jay, then there's sperm that gets shot into it. Then it can go to the left or the right. I think if it goes to the left ovary, then it's a girl--no, wait! Yeah, no, that's right. If the sperm goes to the right ovary, then you get a boy baby, and if it goes to the left, it's a girl. So the sperm goes into the ovary and makes an egg. Then the egg comes out of the ovary and hatches into a little baby, and the hatched baby grabs onto the ovary and grows on it until the woman gets fat and pushes it out.



Thank goodness my ride arrived around that time because I didn't have a response for that.

Making Sense

As per usual, my sister interrupted a conversation I was having with my mom. As we're discussing some topic (which I don't recall, though I know it's irrelevant), she butts right in with some completely random tangent.

Mom: Amy, quit interrupting! I'm talking here!

Amy: I just needed to put in my three cents.


I burst out laughing at this point because I was unable to tell if she just didn't know the proper phase, or was blatantly admitting that she interrupts so much, that an extra cent needs to be tacked on to accurate describe the abundance she does it.