Listening to country music, Amy states: "Nashville, Tennessee is the only place in Texix (Texas) that I know of."
Asked what state Los Angeles is in, Amy answers: "North America."
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Next of Kin
When discussing wills, I brought up the term "next of kin."
Amy: Nexican?
Me: Next of kin.
Amy: Nexican...? You mean "Mexican," right?
Me: No. Next. Of. Kin.
Amy (bursting out laughing): MOM! Cory can't say "Mexican" properly! He says it starts with a "n!" Nexican!
Me: No. Next. Of. Kin. Like my children would be my next of kin.
Amy: Are you going to marry a Mexican girl?
Me: No! Not "Mexican!"
Amy: Then how are you going to have Mexican children? I mean "Nexican!" HAHAHAHA! You can't say it right! And you call me dumb!
Me: This has nothing to do with Mexicans. It's "next of kin." Three words. Next.
Amy: Yeah.
Me: Of.
Amy: Yeah.
Me: Kin.
Amy: Kin? That's not a real word. Stop trying to cover up that you couldn't say "Mexican" right. You're just embarrassed.
Amy: Nexican?
Me: Next of kin.
Amy: Nexican...? You mean "Mexican," right?
Me: No. Next. Of. Kin.
Amy (bursting out laughing): MOM! Cory can't say "Mexican" properly! He says it starts with a "n!" Nexican!
Me: No. Next. Of. Kin. Like my children would be my next of kin.
Amy: Are you going to marry a Mexican girl?
Me: No! Not "Mexican!"
Amy: Then how are you going to have Mexican children? I mean "Nexican!" HAHAHAHA! You can't say it right! And you call me dumb!
Me: This has nothing to do with Mexicans. It's "next of kin." Three words. Next.
Amy: Yeah.
Me: Of.
Amy: Yeah.
Me: Kin.
Amy: Kin? That's not a real word. Stop trying to cover up that you couldn't say "Mexican" right. You're just embarrassed.
Banks
Amy (to my Mom): Mom, I want to change banks.
Mom: Why?
Amy: 'Cause all my friends use a different one, and they get more money from it. And I want to be at the same bank as my friends.
Mom: Which bank do they use?
Amy: Uhhh...it's called the "ATM" bank.
Mom: Why?
Amy: 'Cause all my friends use a different one, and they get more money from it. And I want to be at the same bank as my friends.
Mom: Which bank do they use?
Amy: Uhhh...it's called the "ATM" bank.
Tobogganing is VERY fun
Amy told me this story recently.
"I can't go tobogganing anymore. It's too fun. When I was a kid, every time I went tobogganing, I peed myself. I'd be going down the hill, and it'd be so much fun, and I'd be laughing like crazy, then I'd stop at the bottom, but I'd just keep laughing 'cause it was so much fun, and I'd laugh so hard that I'd pee my pants. Sometimes, there'd even be steam 'cause the pee was so hot. We'd always have to go home after I went down once because I needed to change, so I would stop telling Mom and Dad that I peed, just so I could keep sledding 'cause it was so much fun until the pee stopped being warm and it was just wet. I still do that even today. If I go tobogganing even with my friends, I go down once and I sit and laugh like crazy at the bottom until I pee myself and we have to go home. They don't care. They just know I do that. 'Cause it's too much fun. Need a diaper. Every time."
"I can't go tobogganing anymore. It's too fun. When I was a kid, every time I went tobogganing, I peed myself. I'd be going down the hill, and it'd be so much fun, and I'd be laughing like crazy, then I'd stop at the bottom, but I'd just keep laughing 'cause it was so much fun, and I'd laugh so hard that I'd pee my pants. Sometimes, there'd even be steam 'cause the pee was so hot. We'd always have to go home after I went down once because I needed to change, so I would stop telling Mom and Dad that I peed, just so I could keep sledding 'cause it was so much fun until the pee stopped being warm and it was just wet. I still do that even today. If I go tobogganing even with my friends, I go down once and I sit and laugh like crazy at the bottom until I pee myself and we have to go home. They don't care. They just know I do that. 'Cause it's too much fun. Need a diaper. Every time."
Vasectomies
Amy, on the topic of pregancies:
"Can't guys stop getting pregnant? Like, don't they "rederm" their sperm thing, so they can't get pregnant?
"Can't guys stop getting pregnant? Like, don't they "rederm" their sperm thing, so they can't get pregnant?
No Idea About This One
Amy (out of no where): I want an... "allowance." No, I mean a... "alliluance." Umm...no, a....what's-it-called? A...a "lion's esses." ARGH! Do you know what I mean?! Like, Justin Bieber has one!
(We never figured out what she was talking about with this one.)
(We never figured out what she was talking about with this one.)
Amy's Accents
While watching the American Country Music Awards, Amy looks over and my mom and me.
Amy: When I grow up, I want a Nashville boy. So he can be all: (in a terrible Australian accent) "G'day, mate!"
My Mom and I: ....
Amy: No, wait! I mean: (in the same accent) "G'day Mate!" No! I mean: (in a poor British accent) "G'day, Mate!" NO! WAIT, I CAN DO THIS! (in a normal voice) "Good. Day. Mate." NO! WAIT! (in a super-high Australian accent) "G'daaaaayyy, maaate!"
Me: ...None of those were even close. And you might want to try "Howdy, partner" since "g'day, mate" is an Australian greeting.
Amy: Never mind, then. But you guys know what I mean, right?
Amy: When I grow up, I want a Nashville boy. So he can be all: (in a terrible Australian accent) "G'day, mate!"
My Mom and I: ....
Amy: No, wait! I mean: (in the same accent) "G'day Mate!" No! I mean: (in a poor British accent) "G'day, Mate!" NO! WAIT, I CAN DO THIS! (in a normal voice) "Good. Day. Mate." NO! WAIT! (in a super-high Australian accent) "G'daaaaayyy, maaate!"
Me: ...None of those were even close. And you might want to try "Howdy, partner" since "g'day, mate" is an Australian greeting.
Amy: Never mind, then. But you guys know what I mean, right?
More Geography
Here are a few things Amy stated regarding geography:
"Alberta seems bigger than Winnipeg, doesn't it? How does that work?"
Me: How many states are there in the United States?
Amy: I don't know, but Canada has less continents than the US. TWENTY-SEVEN, RIGHT?! Why do I always think 27...? Is it more?
Me: Canada doesn't have continents. It has provinces.
Amy: Oh, yeah.
Amy: Is Calgary a city? 'Cause I thought Edmonton was a city...
Me: They're both cities.
Amy: YOU CAN HAVE TWO CITIES IN ONE PROVINCE?!
Amy's break down of the "countries" on our continent:
Canada
North America
Mexico City
(she also said this after the list: "Hang on, isn't Mexico City part of North America? Then is Mexico City a state, or a continent?)
"Alberta seems bigger than Winnipeg, doesn't it? How does that work?"
Me: How many states are there in the United States?
Amy: I don't know, but Canada has less continents than the US. TWENTY-SEVEN, RIGHT?! Why do I always think 27...? Is it more?
Me: Canada doesn't have continents. It has provinces.
Amy: Oh, yeah.
Amy: Is Calgary a city? 'Cause I thought Edmonton was a city...
Me: They're both cities.
Amy: YOU CAN HAVE TWO CITIES IN ONE PROVINCE?!
Amy's break down of the "countries" on our continent:
Canada
North America
Mexico City
(she also said this after the list: "Hang on, isn't Mexico City part of North America? Then is Mexico City a state, or a continent?)
"Geology"
Amy brings up how much she enjoys "geology" class. After describing how much she understands about where countries are, I correct her and say that she enjoys "geography." She brushes off the correction and begins to say some very inaccurate statements regarding geography. I decided to ask her to draw me a map of the world. The end result was this:
Here are the highlights of the progression:
She began with North America. After drawing the rough outline, she started Canada. Since we do live here, she got a good portion of that correct. Then she moved on to the USA. After jotting in Tennessee, Texas (pronounced "Texix), LA, and Pittsburgh, she drew Europe and placed London, Paris, and the UK.
Next was Australia and New Zealand. For some reason she placed Burnaby there instead of in British Columbia. Why Burnaby? Beats me.
Now, at this point, she drew a blank. I urged her on to try and name all the continents. She said she didn't know. I asked her how many continents there were. She replied with, "Well, more than this...TWENTY-SEVEN!"
I decided to have her fill out the US a bit more. I asked her where New York was. She said, "it's in L.A." Just before she drew a dot for it, she corrected herself with, "No! Wait! It's attached to L.A.! I don't know if it's on top or underneath, though, so I'm just going to draw it here."
She suddenly remembered Florida. She drew it on the west coast before scratching it out and placing it on an island. Also, Florida and Alaska are two terms for the same place, she said.
I asked her about Asia, and she said, "Oh, yeah. Somewhere under Europe here. It's not that big, though, 'cause not many people live there." (???)
Then I said, "If we live in North America, isn't there a similar continent somewhere?" She didn't understad my hint, so I said, "Ok, where's South America?" She drew the land mass below North America, then an epiphany hit her: "THAT'S WHERE AFRICA IS! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT AFRICA!"
I asked about Antarctica. She said, "don't we live in Antarctica?" and shaded in the southern Canadian prairies. She thought for a second, and said, "No, it's probably higher up over here."
Around this point, I asked, "Is there any other places in the world?"
Amy replied, "No, these are all the places people live or visit."
She spent a couple more minutes writing in a few other places before stopping.
Here are the highlights of the progression:
She began with North America. After drawing the rough outline, she started Canada. Since we do live here, she got a good portion of that correct. Then she moved on to the USA. After jotting in Tennessee, Texas (pronounced "Texix), LA, and Pittsburgh, she drew Europe and placed London, Paris, and the UK.
Next was Australia and New Zealand. For some reason she placed Burnaby there instead of in British Columbia. Why Burnaby? Beats me.
Now, at this point, she drew a blank. I urged her on to try and name all the continents. She said she didn't know. I asked her how many continents there were. She replied with, "Well, more than this...TWENTY-SEVEN!"
I decided to have her fill out the US a bit more. I asked her where New York was. She said, "it's in L.A." Just before she drew a dot for it, she corrected herself with, "No! Wait! It's attached to L.A.! I don't know if it's on top or underneath, though, so I'm just going to draw it here."
She suddenly remembered Florida. She drew it on the west coast before scratching it out and placing it on an island. Also, Florida and Alaska are two terms for the same place, she said.
I asked her about Asia, and she said, "Oh, yeah. Somewhere under Europe here. It's not that big, though, 'cause not many people live there." (???)
Then I said, "If we live in North America, isn't there a similar continent somewhere?" She didn't understad my hint, so I said, "Ok, where's South America?" She drew the land mass below North America, then an epiphany hit her: "THAT'S WHERE AFRICA IS! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT AFRICA!"
I asked about Antarctica. She said, "don't we live in Antarctica?" and shaded in the southern Canadian prairies. She thought for a second, and said, "No, it's probably higher up over here."
Around this point, I asked, "Is there any other places in the world?"
Amy replied, "No, these are all the places people live or visit."
She spent a couple more minutes writing in a few other places before stopping.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Halloween Costume
Amy: Are you dressing up for Halloween?
Cory: Yeah, perhaps as Tobias Funke.
Amy: So you're just going to drink lots of apple juice and dress up as Byo Ping-Ping?
Cory: ...what...?
Cory: Yeah, perhaps as Tobias Funke.
Amy: So you're just going to drink lots of apple juice and dress up as Byo Ping-Ping?
Cory: ...what...?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Pylenol
When discussing the poles used to test parallel parking on a road test with my mom:
Amy: They're not called poles, Mom. They're called Tylenols.
Mom: HAHAHAHA! WHAT?!
Amy: No, I meant pylenols. They're pylenols.
Mom: I don't know what a pylenol is, but I'm sure that they use poles for parallel parking.
Amy: Nope. Pylenols.
Mom: ...Do you mean...pylons?
Amy: Same thing.
Amy: They're not called poles, Mom. They're called Tylenols.
Mom: HAHAHAHA! WHAT?!
Amy: No, I meant pylenols. They're pylenols.
Mom: I don't know what a pylenol is, but I'm sure that they use poles for parallel parking.
Amy: Nope. Pylenols.
Mom: ...Do you mean...pylons?
Amy: Same thing.
Generation Gap
Amy was going out to eat wings with a friend, and she invited me. Overhearing this, my mom piped in.
Mom: Wings?! I've been craving wings! I want to come!
Amy: You can't come.
Me: Hahaha, I'm only going to go if Mom comes along. We can make it a family thing.
Amy: No.
Mom: What? Why not?
Amy: 'Cause you're old.
Me: So what? Wings are wings. Heck, let's invite Grandma, too!
Mom: Yeah! We'll have three generations going out for wings!
Amy: No, that would only be two generations.
Mom: Huh?
Me: How do you figure that?
Amy: Because you and me are one generation, and Mom and Grandma would be another generation.
Me: You have no idea how generations work, do you?
Amy: Yeah, I do. We're young, and they're old.
Me: So Mom and Grandma are in the same generation, then?
Amy: Yeah, 'cause they both have grey hairs.
Me: So when you get old and get grey hair, you'll be in the same generation as Grandma?
Amy: No, Grandma will be in the dead generation by then.
Mom: Wings?! I've been craving wings! I want to come!
Amy: You can't come.
Me: Hahaha, I'm only going to go if Mom comes along. We can make it a family thing.
Amy: No.
Mom: What? Why not?
Amy: 'Cause you're old.
Me: So what? Wings are wings. Heck, let's invite Grandma, too!
Mom: Yeah! We'll have three generations going out for wings!
Amy: No, that would only be two generations.
Mom: Huh?
Me: How do you figure that?
Amy: Because you and me are one generation, and Mom and Grandma would be another generation.
Me: You have no idea how generations work, do you?
Amy: Yeah, I do. We're young, and they're old.
Me: So Mom and Grandma are in the same generation, then?
Amy: Yeah, 'cause they both have grey hairs.
Me: So when you get old and get grey hair, you'll be in the same generation as Grandma?
Amy: No, Grandma will be in the dead generation by then.
Surname
Amy: Mom, think about this: we have the same last name. Isn't that crazy?! Like, how many last names are out there, right? And I was born with the same last name as you and Dad. Isn't that a crazy coincidence!
Mom: ...
Amy: No! Think about it! There's SO many last names! And we ended up having the same one. Crazy.
Mom: ...
Amy: No! Think about it! There's SO many last names! And we ended up having the same one. Crazy.
Pep Squab
Amy (on the topic of feminine health): Yeah, I never had one of those things that girls are supposed to have? What are they called? Oh, yeah! Pep Squabs!
Me: What?
Amy: Pep squabs! It's like the girl version of 'dinky problems.'
Me: Are you serious right now?
Amy: Well, what are they called then? Pep squabs....pep swabs...papp squab...pep squibs! No, it's pep squabs. Right? Girls get their peps squabbed or something. I don't really know how it works, though.
Me: What?
Amy: Pep squabs! It's like the girl version of 'dinky problems.'
Me: Are you serious right now?
Amy: Well, what are they called then? Pep squabs....pep swabs...papp squab...pep squibs! No, it's pep squabs. Right? Girls get their peps squabbed or something. I don't really know how it works, though.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Where Babies Come From
I'll start this one off with a quick reminder: my sister is 18 years old. At the time she said this, she had somehow managed to graduate high school.
I was killing time by my front door waiting for a friend to pick me up. My sister and mom are in the living room by the door, half-watching TV. Seeing I'm pacing in boredom, my mom asks about my day by saying, "So, did you give anybody enemas today?" (I'm a student in a hospital for diagnostic imaging, and one responsibility of mine is to do enemas from time to time.)
Amy: What's that?
Me: An enema? It's when I stick a tube up someone's butt, basically.
Amy: You don't do that.
Me: Yes, I do.
Amy: Mom, does he really?
Mom: Yeah, have you never heard any of his gross stories?
Amy: No.
Mom: He'll have to tell you some.
Amy: So you just randomly stick tubes up people's bums?
Me: Not randomly. I insert an enema tip, and we send a barium liquid into the intestines to see them on x-rays.
Amy: So can you get pregnant from that?
Me: ...What.
Amy: Like, can you get someone pregnant from doing that?
Me: Pregnant? Are you serious? By putting a liquid that doesn't contain sperm into an orifice that doesn't lead to ovaries?
Amy: Yeah.
Me: NO! No, of course not! Why would you even think that?! Even if I was shooting semen into people's butts, they couldn't get pregnant, assuming they're healthy. And half the people that get enemas are men who couldn't get pregnant any way.
Amy: Well, I know that.
Me: I don't know if you do. It sure sounds like you think anal sex would be smart if wanted to have a baby.
Amy: Well, I don't know...
Me: Do you not have any idea how babies are made?
Amy: No, wait! We talked about this at school! I know how it works. Ok, so the people have sex with the penis in the va-jay-jay, then there's sperm that gets shot into it. Then it can go to the left or the right. I think if it goes to the left ovary, then it's a girl--no, wait! Yeah, no, that's right. If the sperm goes to the right ovary, then you get a boy baby, and if it goes to the left, it's a girl. So the sperm goes into the ovary and makes an egg. Then the egg comes out of the ovary and hatches into a little baby, and the hatched baby grabs onto the ovary and grows on it until the woman gets fat and pushes it out.
Thank goodness my ride arrived around that time because I didn't have a response for that.
I was killing time by my front door waiting for a friend to pick me up. My sister and mom are in the living room by the door, half-watching TV. Seeing I'm pacing in boredom, my mom asks about my day by saying, "So, did you give anybody enemas today?" (I'm a student in a hospital for diagnostic imaging, and one responsibility of mine is to do enemas from time to time.)
Amy: What's that?
Me: An enema? It's when I stick a tube up someone's butt, basically.
Amy: You don't do that.
Me: Yes, I do.
Amy: Mom, does he really?
Mom: Yeah, have you never heard any of his gross stories?
Amy: No.
Mom: He'll have to tell you some.
Amy: So you just randomly stick tubes up people's bums?
Me: Not randomly. I insert an enema tip, and we send a barium liquid into the intestines to see them on x-rays.
Amy: So can you get pregnant from that?
Me: ...What.
Amy: Like, can you get someone pregnant from doing that?
Me: Pregnant? Are you serious? By putting a liquid that doesn't contain sperm into an orifice that doesn't lead to ovaries?
Amy: Yeah.
Me: NO! No, of course not! Why would you even think that?! Even if I was shooting semen into people's butts, they couldn't get pregnant, assuming they're healthy. And half the people that get enemas are men who couldn't get pregnant any way.
Amy: Well, I know that.
Me: I don't know if you do. It sure sounds like you think anal sex would be smart if wanted to have a baby.
Amy: Well, I don't know...
Me: Do you not have any idea how babies are made?
Amy: No, wait! We talked about this at school! I know how it works. Ok, so the people have sex with the penis in the va-jay-jay, then there's sperm that gets shot into it. Then it can go to the left or the right. I think if it goes to the left ovary, then it's a girl--no, wait! Yeah, no, that's right. If the sperm goes to the right ovary, then you get a boy baby, and if it goes to the left, it's a girl. So the sperm goes into the ovary and makes an egg. Then the egg comes out of the ovary and hatches into a little baby, and the hatched baby grabs onto the ovary and grows on it until the woman gets fat and pushes it out.
Thank goodness my ride arrived around that time because I didn't have a response for that.
Making Sense
As per usual, my sister interrupted a conversation I was having with my mom. As we're discussing some topic (which I don't recall, though I know it's irrelevant), she butts right in with some completely random tangent.
Mom: Amy, quit interrupting! I'm talking here!
Amy: I just needed to put in my three cents.
I burst out laughing at this point because I was unable to tell if she just didn't know the proper phase, or was blatantly admitting that she interrupts so much, that an extra cent needs to be tacked on to accurate describe the abundance she does it.
Mom: Amy, quit interrupting! I'm talking here!
Amy: I just needed to put in my three cents.
I burst out laughing at this point because I was unable to tell if she just didn't know the proper phase, or was blatantly admitting that she interrupts so much, that an extra cent needs to be tacked on to accurate describe the abundance she does it.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I wish my parents would kick her out one way or another
Amy: So, when you get evacuated, do you get to take your stuff?
Me: It depends.
Amy: On what?
Me: The situation. If you have time and space to bring things with you, yeah. But if it's life or death, no.
Amy: What do you mean? When would it be life or death?
Me: If a volcano has just erupted and the government is evacuating everyone, you don't start packing. You get out of there! You know how you're always taught not to take anything with you when your house is on fire, right? That's because your life is more important than your possessions.
Amy: But what if it isn't life and death?
Me: Then you take what you can, provided you are allowed to. If you're evacuating yourself, sure--pile everything you can into your car. But if you're being airlifted out of a dangerous zone, the evacuating personnel probably won't let you take up extra seats with your stuff if there are people that can use the space.
Amy: So you can't take your laptop?
Me: It all depends.
Amy: Not even your cell phone?!
Me: I said it depends! If it's in your pocket, then you wouldn't take it out. But if your house was about to be struck by a tsunami, you wouldn't start searching your house for your cell phone if you didn't have it on you.
Amy: Oh, but what if someone takes your stuff when you leave?
Me: Looters?
Amy: I don't know. Like, you have to leave your stuff sometimes, you told me. So what happens if someone takes it when you're gone?
Me: Yeah, looting. It happens all the time with disasters. Hopefully you'll have insurance for your stuff. I don't really know since I've never been in a natural disaster that required evacuation.
Amy: Why do you keep talking about disasters like floods and stuff? Can't you just get evacuated from not paying taxes?
Me: What?
Amy: I mean rent! Don't people get evacuated when they don't pay rent?
Me: ...you mean to tell me that you've been asking me about eviction this whole time, and not evacuation?
Amy: Aren't they the same thing?
Me: Not quite. And if you get evicted, you take your stuff.
Amy: Oh, ok. I wasn't sure.
Me: It depends.
Amy: On what?
Me: The situation. If you have time and space to bring things with you, yeah. But if it's life or death, no.
Amy: What do you mean? When would it be life or death?
Me: If a volcano has just erupted and the government is evacuating everyone, you don't start packing. You get out of there! You know how you're always taught not to take anything with you when your house is on fire, right? That's because your life is more important than your possessions.
Amy: But what if it isn't life and death?
Me: Then you take what you can, provided you are allowed to. If you're evacuating yourself, sure--pile everything you can into your car. But if you're being airlifted out of a dangerous zone, the evacuating personnel probably won't let you take up extra seats with your stuff if there are people that can use the space.
Amy: So you can't take your laptop?
Me: It all depends.
Amy: Not even your cell phone?!
Me: I said it depends! If it's in your pocket, then you wouldn't take it out. But if your house was about to be struck by a tsunami, you wouldn't start searching your house for your cell phone if you didn't have it on you.
Amy: Oh, but what if someone takes your stuff when you leave?
Me: Looters?
Amy: I don't know. Like, you have to leave your stuff sometimes, you told me. So what happens if someone takes it when you're gone?
Me: Yeah, looting. It happens all the time with disasters. Hopefully you'll have insurance for your stuff. I don't really know since I've never been in a natural disaster that required evacuation.
Amy: Why do you keep talking about disasters like floods and stuff? Can't you just get evacuated from not paying taxes?
Me: What?
Amy: I mean rent! Don't people get evacuated when they don't pay rent?
Me: ...you mean to tell me that you've been asking me about eviction this whole time, and not evacuation?
Amy: Aren't they the same thing?
Me: Not quite. And if you get evicted, you take your stuff.
Amy: Oh, ok. I wasn't sure.
"Who gets the girls?"
While listening in to a conversation I was having about girls, Amy pipes in.
Amy: Wait, who are you talking about?
Me (motioning to myself and saying with faux-cockiness): Who do you think I'm talking about? I mean, who's the guy that gets all the girls?
Amy stares at me blankly for a while, then with a puzzled look replies "Oh, you mean me?"
Me: ...
Amy: Wait, who are you talking about?
Me (motioning to myself and saying with faux-cockiness): Who do you think I'm talking about? I mean, who's the guy that gets all the girls?
Amy stares at me blankly for a while, then with a puzzled look replies "Oh, you mean me?"
Me: ...
Health Priorities
When complaining about how her friend "ditched" her, Amy whines:
"K, why would she even do that? Like, who cares about going to the gym? I told her I was going to go to the tanning salon, and she said she couldn't go because she was going to the gym. Who even wants to lose weight when you can go tanning? Ugh, she makes me so mad!"
"K, why would she even do that? Like, who cares about going to the gym? I told her I was going to go to the tanning salon, and she said she couldn't go because she was going to the gym. Who even wants to lose weight when you can go tanning? Ugh, she makes me so mad!"
Ethnic Background
This conversation occurred at the dinner table recently. Out of no where, Amy asks a curious question.
Amy: So are we Russian?
Mom: No...
Amy: Why not?
Mom: You know what your background is. Why would you ask if you're Russian?
Amy: Well, I know that your side of the family is Ukrainian and Dad's side is German.
Mom: Yeah, so you're German-Ukrainian.
Amy: But doesn't that mean we're also Russian?
Me: Why would that mean we're Russian exactly?
Amy: Well, aren't German and Ukrainian both Russias?
Me: Are you for real?
Amy: Wait! No! Germany and Ukrainian...y aren't Russias?
Me: No.
Amy: Then how many Russias are there?
Me: One. It's called Russia.
Amy: Ok, then German and Ukrainian are IN Russia, right?
Me: No. Germany is Germany. Ukraine is Ukraine.
Amy: Are you sure? I think we're Russian. Like, I know we're German and Ukrainian, but doesn't that mean that we're also Russia and Russia?
Mom: You're no joking, are you?
Amy: No, I am. I was just being funny.
Me: Unlikely.
After a minute of silence...
Amy: NO! WAIT! WHAT IS A EUROPE?! IS EUROPE IN RUSSIA?!
Me: Not quite...
Amy: Ok, how many Europes are there? Just one, right? So is in between Germany/Ukrainiany and Russia? Is that you tell?
Me: ...
Amy: What? Just tell me!
Me: Europe is a continent. Germany, Ukraine, and Russia are countries. Countries are in continents.
Amy: Oh, so I was right?! We're Russias, right?
Me: No.
Amy: Hey, can you measure my room?
Me: What?!
Amy changed topics so abruptly and irrationally, I just told her I wouldn't measure her room, then I left the table.
Amy: So are we Russian?
Mom: No...
Amy: Why not?
Mom: You know what your background is. Why would you ask if you're Russian?
Amy: Well, I know that your side of the family is Ukrainian and Dad's side is German.
Mom: Yeah, so you're German-Ukrainian.
Amy: But doesn't that mean we're also Russian?
Me: Why would that mean we're Russian exactly?
Amy: Well, aren't German and Ukrainian both Russias?
Me: Are you for real?
Amy: Wait! No! Germany and Ukrainian...y aren't Russias?
Me: No.
Amy: Then how many Russias are there?
Me: One. It's called Russia.
Amy: Ok, then German and Ukrainian are IN Russia, right?
Me: No. Germany is Germany. Ukraine is Ukraine.
Amy: Are you sure? I think we're Russian. Like, I know we're German and Ukrainian, but doesn't that mean that we're also Russia and Russia?
Mom: You're no joking, are you?
Amy: No, I am. I was just being funny.
Me: Unlikely.
After a minute of silence...
Amy: NO! WAIT! WHAT IS A EUROPE?! IS EUROPE IN RUSSIA?!
Me: Not quite...
Amy: Ok, how many Europes are there? Just one, right? So is in between Germany/Ukrainiany and Russia? Is that you tell?
Me: ...
Amy: What? Just tell me!
Me: Europe is a continent. Germany, Ukraine, and Russia are countries. Countries are in continents.
Amy: Oh, so I was right?! We're Russias, right?
Me: No.
Amy: Hey, can you measure my room?
Me: What?!
Amy changed topics so abruptly and irrationally, I just told her I wouldn't measure her room, then I left the table.
That's like cat-calling black kettles, right?
After hearing an exchange on Glee the other day in reference to the adage "the pot calling the kettle black," my sister comes up with this post's title. The bimbo cheerleader on the show comments on what she supposes are racist undertones. My sister, no smarter than the cheerleader, half believes the saying is racist now.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Carbon Monoxide
When discussing carbon monoxide, its dangers, and the detectors used to avoid those dangers, the following questions and comments are made by Amy:
"Is that gas popular?...Like, I mean, does it spill in lots of people's houses?"
"If we're gonna die, why don't people just put it in their face? Like, if you're going to die, why not breathe it in lots in your face and just sleep? A little headache is better than being shot, right? Like, I'd rather have a deathly death than a painful one, you know?"
"How come everyone who suicides themselves doesn't just use carbon monoxide? It's easy and you just go to sleep, so you don't have to be scared and try to do it. And there's no blood, so it's easier to clean up after."
"So, how do you even get carbon monoxide? You can't catch it from other people, right? And how do you which kind of carbon monoxide is the deadly kind?"
"Is that gas popular?...Like, I mean, does it spill in lots of people's houses?"
"If we're gonna die, why don't people just put it in their face? Like, if you're going to die, why not breathe it in lots in your face and just sleep? A little headache is better than being shot, right? Like, I'd rather have a deathly death than a painful one, you know?"
"How come everyone who suicides themselves doesn't just use carbon monoxide? It's easy and you just go to sleep, so you don't have to be scared and try to do it. And there's no blood, so it's easier to clean up after."
"So, how do you even get carbon monoxide? You can't catch it from other people, right? And how do you which kind of carbon monoxide is the deadly kind?"
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