I wish my parents would kick her out one way or another

Amy: So, when you get evacuated, do you get to take your stuff?

Me: It depends.

Amy: On what?

Me: The situation. If you have time and space to bring things with you, yeah. But if it's life or death, no.

Amy: What do you mean? When would it be life or death?

Me: If a volcano has just erupted and the government is evacuating everyone, you don't start packing. You get out of there! You know how you're always taught not to take anything with you when your house is on fire, right? That's because your life is more important than your possessions.

Amy: But what if it isn't life and death?

Me: Then you take what you can, provided you are allowed to. If you're evacuating yourself, sure--pile everything you can into your car. But if you're being airlifted out of a dangerous zone, the evacuating personnel probably won't let you take up extra seats with your stuff if there are people that can use the space.

Amy: So you can't take your laptop?

Me: It all depends.

Amy: Not even your cell phone?!

Me: I said it depends! If it's in your pocket, then you wouldn't take it out. But if your house was about to be struck by a tsunami, you wouldn't start searching your house for your cell phone if you didn't have it on you.

Amy: Oh, but what if someone takes your stuff when you leave?

Me: Looters?

Amy: I don't know. Like, you have to leave your stuff sometimes, you told me. So what happens if someone takes it when you're gone?

Me: Yeah, looting. It happens all the time with disasters. Hopefully you'll have insurance for your stuff. I don't really know since I've never been in a natural disaster that required evacuation.

Amy: Why do you keep talking about disasters like floods and stuff? Can't you just get evacuated from not paying taxes?

Me: What?

Amy: I mean rent! Don't people get evacuated when they don't pay rent?

Me: ...you mean to tell me that you've been asking me about eviction this whole time, and not evacuation?

Amy: Aren't they the same thing?

Me: Not quite. And if you get evicted, you take your stuff.

Amy: Oh, ok. I wasn't sure.

"Who gets the girls?"

While listening in to a conversation I was having about girls, Amy pipes in.

Amy: Wait, who are you talking about?

Me (motioning to myself and saying with faux-cockiness): Who do you think I'm talking about? I mean, who's the guy that gets all the girls?

Amy stares at me blankly for a while, then with a puzzled look replies "Oh, you mean me?"

Me: ...

Health Priorities

When complaining about how her friend "ditched" her, Amy whines:

"K, why would she even do that? Like, who cares about going to the gym? I told her I was going to go to the tanning salon, and she said she couldn't go because she was going to the gym. Who even wants to lose weight when you can go tanning? Ugh, she makes me so mad!"

Ethnic Background

This conversation occurred at the dinner table recently. Out of no where, Amy asks a curious question.

Amy: So are we Russian?

Mom: No...

Amy: Why not?

Mom: You know what your background is. Why would you ask if you're Russian?

Amy: Well, I know that your side of the family is Ukrainian and Dad's side is German.

Mom: Yeah, so you're German-Ukrainian.

Amy: But doesn't that mean we're also Russian?

Me: Why would that mean we're Russian exactly?

Amy: Well, aren't German and Ukrainian both Russias?

Me: Are you for real?

Amy: Wait! No! Germany and Ukrainian...y aren't Russias?

Me: No.

Amy: Then how many Russias are there?

Me: One. It's called Russia.

Amy: Ok, then German and Ukrainian are IN Russia, right?

Me: No. Germany is Germany. Ukraine is Ukraine.

Amy: Are you sure? I think we're Russian. Like, I know we're German and Ukrainian, but doesn't that mean that we're also Russia and Russia?

Mom: You're no joking, are you?

Amy: No, I am. I was just being funny.

Me: Unlikely.

After a minute of silence...

Amy: NO! WAIT! WHAT IS A EUROPE?! IS EUROPE IN RUSSIA?!

Me: Not quite...

Amy: Ok, how many Europes are there? Just one, right? So is in between Germany/Ukrainiany and Russia? Is that you tell?

Me: ...

Amy: What? Just tell me!

Me: Europe is a continent. Germany, Ukraine, and Russia are countries. Countries are in continents.

Amy: Oh, so I was right?! We're Russias, right?

Me: No.

Amy: Hey, can you measure my room?

Me: What?!


Amy changed topics so abruptly and irrationally, I just told her I wouldn't measure her room, then I left the table.

That's like cat-calling black kettles, right?

After hearing an exchange on Glee the other day in reference to the adage "the pot calling the kettle black," my sister comes up with this post's title. The bimbo cheerleader on the show comments on what she supposes are racist undertones. My sister, no smarter than the cheerleader, half believes the saying is racist now.