Crime and Mispronoununishments

My sister found out that the profession I'll be going into involves giving people enemas. She instantly knew what that meant, but then proceeded to bury that triumph with some dumb conversation.

Amy: You can't just do that, can you? Don't you have to get a police check to make sure you're not a bad guy?

Me: Yeah, I already did. That was a requirement before even starting the schooling.

Amy: No, you didn't.

Me: What do you mean "No [I] didn't?". I did. I had to.

Amy: How come I never heard about it?

Me: For one, a criminal background check is a confidential legal paper. Secondly, I never told you.

Amy: So how many crimes did you have on it.

Me: How many do you think I had?

Amy: Two.

Me: Name them.

Amy: I don't know. I was just guessing.

Me: I know because I don't have a criminal record.

Amy: How do they know that you aren't just saying you aren't a crimical?

Me: A what?

Amy: A crimical.

Me: A crimical?

Amy: Ok! I just can't say that word! You know what I mean.

Me: Criminal?

Amy: Yeah.

Me: That's not a hard word. You have no excuse for saying it wrong.

Amy: ...Crimical. Cri-MIC-al. Ok! It doesn't even matter!

Me: How do people not openly mock you when you speak to them?

Amy: Hey, what if you got arrested for a second?

Me: What?

Amy: Like, what do they put on your crimical record if you get arrested for just one second?

Me: You can't get arrested for a second. What would the point of that be?

Amy: Well, some of my friends got arrested so a second.

Me: No, they didn't. It must have been longer than a second. Don't exaggerate.

Amy: Well, it was a really short time. But they had handcuffs on! They got caught going somewhere they weren't allowed to...path...tressing.

Me: Trespassing?

Amy: Yeah, trespassing. The police came and arrested them and them let them go right after. Do they have crimical records?

Me: Criminal. And I don't know. Probably not. It sounds like they just got a warning.

Amy: But they were in handcuffs.

Me: I'm not a cop. I don't know.

Amy: Well, supposably, theyy--

Me: Supposably?

Amy: I mean "supposabably".

Me: Nope. That's it. I draw lines. "Supposabably" is one of them. I'm done with this conversation.