Amy: ...and then there's this "Go Green!" stuff people say. What's that even about? Like, pick up garbage? Not me. That's dirty. OH! HAVE YOU HEARD OF SAVE THE WHAAAAALES?! D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
(Amy here bursts into uncontrollable laughter. She's crying and shaking from laughing so hard. She can barely breathe as the following goes on, and every response we give makes her laugh even harder)
Mom: Yeah, Save the Whales.
Amy: D'AAAAAAAAA! Save the WHALE Day! What is that, even? I EVEN SEEN CELEBRITIES TWEET IT!!!! SAVE THE WHALESSSS! What is it even about?
Cory: Saving whales.
Amy: HAHAHAHAHAA! OHHHH! Like, what is it, like, "Oh, here's a whale let's SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVEEEEEEEEEEEE IT! HAHAHAHAH!"
Cory: I don't get what's so funny about it.
Amy: Why does the whale even need to be saved? And why don't people just save it. All the celebrities are are, like, "don't throw garbage on the beach" and "pick up garbage on the beach." Why don't they just go save the whale themselves. Picking up garbage isn't saving some whale! SAVE THE WHALE! WHY DO THEY CALL IT THAT?! IT'S SOOOOO FUNNY! SAVE THE WHALE!
Mom: It's to prevent endangered species of whales from going extinct due to poaching and whaling.
Amy: Extinct? Then it doesn't even matter. That means they are already all dead, right? So you can't save the whale. SAVE THE WHAAAALE!
She leaves the kitchen to go watch TV, but a moment later sticks her head around the corner and looks and me and says, "Oh, yeah, and there's Shark Week. Whatever that is." Then leaves again.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Party!
Amy: There's lots of nowaday stuff that I don't know. Like politics. I don't care how much you try to tell me, I'll just never know. I go to parties lots, but I never know if they're liberal or not. I just party regular. That's my politics.
Charities
Amy: You know what I don't understand? How do charities make money? Like, for the Terry Fox Run. I go run around one day, and people get money?! Where does the money come from? How do you make money by running for charity? I don't make money every time I run, so how does charities get money when I run?
Mom: (laughing hysterically) Cory, explain it to her. I can't... I'm laughing too much.
Amy: No, you just don't know, either. See? I'm not the only one who doesn't know.
Mom (upon settling down a bit): Do you know what pledges are?
Amy: YEAH! I PLEDGE ALLIGIES TO THE LEAF OF LEAFS OR SOMETHING!
Mom and I: ...Never mind.
Mom: (laughing hysterically) Cory, explain it to her. I can't... I'm laughing too much.
Amy: No, you just don't know, either. See? I'm not the only one who doesn't know.
Mom (upon settling down a bit): Do you know what pledges are?
Amy: YEAH! I PLEDGE ALLIGIES TO THE LEAF OF LEAFS OR SOMETHING!
Mom and I: ...Never mind.
Definition of History
Amy: I hate olden day stuff. It's all "You're a traitor, and you stole my land." There's nothing else. It's so boring and it doesn't even matter anymore.
More Hitler Talk
Amy: So what was Hitler anyways? I thought he was just a "Saddam Husame" somewhere else...
Amy: Do you think there are still Nazis? Or even Nazi lovers?
Cory: Are you serious?
Amy: Yeah, do you think some nazis stayed alive and have nazi kids?
Cory: Yes, of course! How do you not know this?!
Amy: REALLY?! So is Hitler still alive?
Amy: When was all this "Hitler-stuff" popular?
Cory: Popular isn't the best word choice. It has positive connotations.
Amy: Whatever, but, like, when did it happen? I'm going to look it up.
Cory: No! Guess first! I want to hear what you think. You've given me so much content for the blog already. Don't stop now. Just try and make an educated guess.
Amy: I can't.
Cory: Just try.
Amy: K, well I think it was olden days with black-and-white TV. So mom was born in 1950...(1957 is the correct date), and she had to get a colour TV, or even an olden day TV when she was born, so....befooooore mom was born? So...19..1980?! Was it 1980?
Cory: Mom was born around 1980?
Amy: I don't know, was she? Wait! I mean, 1880!
Cory: Mom was born around 1880 now?
Amy: I'm just going to look it up. (several seconds later) I WAS RIGHT! I LOOKED UP HITLER AND IT SAYS HE WAS BORN 1889! So...how old is that....? K, wait. I can figure this out easy! Your birthday is in 1988, so Hitler was born....ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO!
Cory: WHAT?!
Amy: K, I can't do math.
Cory: Obviously not.
Amy: Oh, wait! I messed up! I mean one thousand and one years ago!
Cory: Nope, you're further from the mark there.
Amy: It says here Hitler led Germany in World War II. Did you know that? Geez, how many World Wars were there? I don't even know what a World War is. Grandpa was in a war once, right? Was it a World War?
Cory: Yeah.
Amy: So he knew Hitler?!
Cory: No.
Amy: As if some people learn about Hitler in school...
Cory: What do you mean "as if?"
Amy: I mean, he's a bad guy, right? Why are they teaching kids about bad people? Hey! Does that mean all the new kids have to learn about "Sam Husame?" I mean, "Sackam Hudame." Ugh, I don't know his name. Never mind.
Amy: Do you think there are still Nazis? Or even Nazi lovers?
Cory: Are you serious?
Amy: Yeah, do you think some nazis stayed alive and have nazi kids?
Cory: Yes, of course! How do you not know this?!
Amy: REALLY?! So is Hitler still alive?
Amy: When was all this "Hitler-stuff" popular?
Cory: Popular isn't the best word choice. It has positive connotations.
Amy: Whatever, but, like, when did it happen? I'm going to look it up.
Cory: No! Guess first! I want to hear what you think. You've given me so much content for the blog already. Don't stop now. Just try and make an educated guess.
Amy: I can't.
Cory: Just try.
Amy: K, well I think it was olden days with black-and-white TV. So mom was born in 1950...(1957 is the correct date), and she had to get a colour TV, or even an olden day TV when she was born, so....befooooore mom was born? So...19..1980?! Was it 1980?
Cory: Mom was born around 1980?
Amy: I don't know, was she? Wait! I mean, 1880!
Cory: Mom was born around 1880 now?
Amy: I'm just going to look it up. (several seconds later) I WAS RIGHT! I LOOKED UP HITLER AND IT SAYS HE WAS BORN 1889! So...how old is that....? K, wait. I can figure this out easy! Your birthday is in 1988, so Hitler was born....ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO!
Cory: WHAT?!
Amy: K, I can't do math.
Cory: Obviously not.
Amy: Oh, wait! I messed up! I mean one thousand and one years ago!
Cory: Nope, you're further from the mark there.
Amy: It says here Hitler led Germany in World War II. Did you know that? Geez, how many World Wars were there? I don't even know what a World War is. Grandpa was in a war once, right? Was it a World War?
Cory: Yeah.
Amy: So he knew Hitler?!
Cory: No.
Amy: As if some people learn about Hitler in school...
Cory: What do you mean "as if?"
Amy: I mean, he's a bad guy, right? Why are they teaching kids about bad people? Hey! Does that mean all the new kids have to learn about "Sam Husame?" I mean, "Sackam Hudame." Ugh, I don't know his name. Never mind.
Schindler's List
On the topic of the film Shindler's List:
Amy: Is that an old movie? Like, was it made in the 1900's or not?
Cory: Yeah, it was made in the 1900's...
Amy: Good, 'cause I don't even want to talk about black-and-white movies. They're so old.
Cory: Movies were black-and-white for half the 1900's you know.
Amy: K, well, I mean, like recent 1990's. Like 1990's.
Cory: Schindler's List was made in the 1990's and it's black-and-white.
Amy: Why would they even do that if they have better cameras? So people would think it looked old? That's dumb. I think I saw that movie. Was it about Hitler or something? I only remember one part: there were a line of guys with snow man hats like top hats on and the had nazi signs on their jackets, pins or something, and I think they had overalls, but it was olden days, so everyone had overalls, so I don't know, and they were in a line and getting whipped and having water sprayed on them, and they're all singing some Hitler song in another language. It wasn't a good movie.
Amy: Is that an old movie? Like, was it made in the 1900's or not?
Cory: Yeah, it was made in the 1900's...
Amy: Good, 'cause I don't even want to talk about black-and-white movies. They're so old.
Cory: Movies were black-and-white for half the 1900's you know.
Amy: K, well, I mean, like recent 1990's. Like 1990's.
Cory: Schindler's List was made in the 1990's and it's black-and-white.
Amy: Why would they even do that if they have better cameras? So people would think it looked old? That's dumb. I think I saw that movie. Was it about Hitler or something? I only remember one part: there were a line of guys with snow man hats like top hats on and the had nazi signs on their jackets, pins or something, and I think they had overalls, but it was olden days, so everyone had overalls, so I don't know, and they were in a line and getting whipped and having water sprayed on them, and they're all singing some Hitler song in another language. It wasn't a good movie.
Documentaries - Back in the '77's
Amy: I don't like documentaries, but I still want to watch them because they're scary.
Cory: They're scary? I think that depends on the documentary.
Amy: No, they're all about ghosts. I seen them on 20/20 and other TV shows. There's always this old guy usually in a rocking chair in front of an old house, and he's all leaning back and he says: (she does this in her 'old man voice' which includes a southern twang to it) "Back in '77's, this house was haunted in 1995." or something like that. And then it's all scary stuff about ghosts and how he's haunted.
Cory: They're scary? I think that depends on the documentary.
Amy: No, they're all about ghosts. I seen them on 20/20 and other TV shows. There's always this old guy usually in a rocking chair in front of an old house, and he's all leaning back and he says: (she does this in her 'old man voice' which includes a southern twang to it) "Back in '77's, this house was haunted in 1995." or something like that. And then it's all scary stuff about ghosts and how he's haunted.
More Genetics
Amy: So, do I die if I get cloned?
Cory: No, why?
Amy: 'Cause don't they need all my organs like my skin and my brain and pretty much everything to build a different me?
Cory: You have no idea how cloning works, do you?
Amy: I thought you just got another one of one by using old parts.
Cory: No, why?
Amy: 'Cause don't they need all my organs like my skin and my brain and pretty much everything to build a different me?
Cory: You have no idea how cloning works, do you?
Amy: I thought you just got another one of one by using old parts.
Genetics
When discussing dominant and recessive genes with my mom, she asks about recessive genes eventually becoming "extinct."
Cory: That's unlikely. We'll have complete control of baby's genes before then, I'll bet. There are already plenty of experiments that will lead to successful human genetic engineering.
Amy: What are you guys even talking about? Like you can make a baby look how you want before it's born?
Cory: Yeah, there's the possibility that phenotypes like eye colour will eventually be purchased as options on a new baby.
Amy: So you just go to the doctor when you're giving birth and say, "hey, can you sprinkle some magic dust on my baby and give it blue eyes? Here's a thousand bucks."
Cory: No, not like that.
Cory: That's unlikely. We'll have complete control of baby's genes before then, I'll bet. There are already plenty of experiments that will lead to successful human genetic engineering.
Amy: What are you guys even talking about? Like you can make a baby look how you want before it's born?
Cory: Yeah, there's the possibility that phenotypes like eye colour will eventually be purchased as options on a new baby.
Amy: So you just go to the doctor when you're giving birth and say, "hey, can you sprinkle some magic dust on my baby and give it blue eyes? Here's a thousand bucks."
Cory: No, not like that.
Poop in a Jar
Amy (out of no where, by the way): Cory, remember that guy in high school who had feces in a jar?
Cory: What?! I graduated the year you went into the school, so I might have missed him. What do you mean he had feces in a jar?
Amy:Oh, maybe it was middle school, then. But, this guy had feces in a jar. It was horse, I think.
Cory: What do you mean? Did he walk around with this jar under his arm?
Amy: No, it was in a science room. Like, why would he even have that?
Cory: Well, a science room males more sense, I suppose. But I don't know why he would keep it in a jar. You can just go to the farm any day and pick some new stuff off the ground.
Amy: What? They're on the ground?
Cory: Yeah, where else would horse feces be?
Amy: FECEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! FECES IS POOP! I MEANT BABIES! A....a....FEFUS! NO! FECES! NO! FE....TUS! FETUS!!!!
Cory: Oh, one of the science teachers had a horse fetus in a jar? That sounds normal.
Amy: Yeah, why would he have one? Where did he get it? Does it stay little 'cause it's in the jar?
Cory: It's dead.
Amy: I know. How do you get it? Did they cut it out of the mom horse?
Cory: Possibly.
Amy: What if they cut a baby out of a human? Can they do that?
Cory: A C-section?
Amy: Oh, is that how that works? Like, what if the baby is this big (makes a fist) and they cut open the mom. Can they see the baby?
Cory: ...If I have a ball this big (I make a fist now) and it's in a box, and I open the box, can I see the ball?
Amy: Yeah?
Cory: Yeah.
Amy: So what if the baby is cut out and it's that small. Like, it hasn't stopped growing in the mom's stomach, I mean. Can it live?
Cory: That depends on a lot of factors. Some can, some are born too early.
Amy: That's called pre-something. I learned about it once somewhere, and the babies are small. But they live if you just quick throw them under the bright light.
Cory: (I'm laughing now) The bright light?
Amy: Yeah, there's this bright light with plastic around it, and the light gives the baby oxygen or something, so it will live. I saw it once on a TV show.
Cory: What?! I graduated the year you went into the school, so I might have missed him. What do you mean he had feces in a jar?
Amy:Oh, maybe it was middle school, then. But, this guy had feces in a jar. It was horse, I think.
Cory: What do you mean? Did he walk around with this jar under his arm?
Amy: No, it was in a science room. Like, why would he even have that?
Cory: Well, a science room males more sense, I suppose. But I don't know why he would keep it in a jar. You can just go to the farm any day and pick some new stuff off the ground.
Amy: What? They're on the ground?
Cory: Yeah, where else would horse feces be?
Amy: FECEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! FECES IS POOP! I MEANT BABIES! A....a....FEFUS! NO! FECES! NO! FE....TUS! FETUS!!!!
Cory: Oh, one of the science teachers had a horse fetus in a jar? That sounds normal.
Amy: Yeah, why would he have one? Where did he get it? Does it stay little 'cause it's in the jar?
Cory: It's dead.
Amy: I know. How do you get it? Did they cut it out of the mom horse?
Cory: Possibly.
Amy: What if they cut a baby out of a human? Can they do that?
Cory: A C-section?
Amy: Oh, is that how that works? Like, what if the baby is this big (makes a fist) and they cut open the mom. Can they see the baby?
Cory: ...If I have a ball this big (I make a fist now) and it's in a box, and I open the box, can I see the ball?
Amy: Yeah?
Cory: Yeah.
Amy: So what if the baby is cut out and it's that small. Like, it hasn't stopped growing in the mom's stomach, I mean. Can it live?
Cory: That depends on a lot of factors. Some can, some are born too early.
Amy: That's called pre-something. I learned about it once somewhere, and the babies are small. But they live if you just quick throw them under the bright light.
Cory: (I'm laughing now) The bright light?
Amy: Yeah, there's this bright light with plastic around it, and the light gives the baby oxygen or something, so it will live. I saw it once on a TV show.
Psychics
Amy: You know what class I liked in school? Psychics, or whatever it was called.
Mom: Physics?
Amy: Yeah, I liked that class.
Mom: Somehow, I find it hard to believe that you enjoyed that class.
Amy: Yeah, we did stuff like...
(she gazes off for about 15 seconds trying to remember something from physics)
Amy: ...I don't know, but...there was lines. K, actually, maybe I didn't like it.
Mom: Physics?
Amy: Yeah, I liked that class.
Mom: Somehow, I find it hard to believe that you enjoyed that class.
Amy: Yeah, we did stuff like...
(she gazes off for about 15 seconds trying to remember something from physics)
Amy: ...I don't know, but...there was lines. K, actually, maybe I didn't like it.
Chemistry Expert
Amy: I'm really good at the element of elements in the table. You know, like how Fn is iron and Na is salt? Like, those things. I'm so good at those!
What Mashed Potatoes Taste Like
As Amy is halfway through her mashed potatoes at supper, she suddenly looks up and says, "I finally figured out what mashed potatoes taste like! Hamsters!"
Me: What?
Amy: Mashed potatoes taste like hamsters! I couldn't figure out what it was, but it just hit me!
Me: How do you know what hamsters taste like?
Amy: K, well, you know how your sense of tongue is like your smell? Like stuff tastes like how it smells, so hamsters smell like pet stores, so I, like, use my tongue sense to taste a pet store, which is hamsters, AND THAT'S WHAT THIS TASTES LIKE! But it doesn't smell like that, so that's weird. Whatever. Oh, yeah, and when I look at the pepper shaker, it makes me think of fish food, and that's in a pet store, too. Isn't that weird?
And she continued to eat.
Me: What?
Amy: Mashed potatoes taste like hamsters! I couldn't figure out what it was, but it just hit me!
Me: How do you know what hamsters taste like?
Amy: K, well, you know how your sense of tongue is like your smell? Like stuff tastes like how it smells, so hamsters smell like pet stores, so I, like, use my tongue sense to taste a pet store, which is hamsters, AND THAT'S WHAT THIS TASTES LIKE! But it doesn't smell like that, so that's weird. Whatever. Oh, yeah, and when I look at the pepper shaker, it makes me think of fish food, and that's in a pet store, too. Isn't that weird?
And she continued to eat.
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